Maoking’s Weblog

March 23, 2014

I’m attached. Omg

Filed under: Uncategorized — maoking @ 12:26 am

Hi there. Yes i totally feel like i’m talking to myself now. And you know what? I dont even remember the existence of this blog omg. It’s first post was dated way back in 2007, a year after the departure of Jinxiao. Ah… those were the days, when i used to cry so badly during breaks because I couldnt accept his leaving. It felt so bad to see him leaving, as Jinxiao was the only guy in school who was willing to sit down and talk to a 97kg girl.

Had been thinking to myself that it’s time to create a blog and pen down every single details and moments with zeus. So here it goes.

As of 21.03.2014, I’m attached.

Yes. I am.

Until now; even two days after i’ve been officially together with you, i still find it difficult to believe that it happened already. I remember how it all started, when my impression of you was so high up there because you were such a nice and humble guy. You didnt mind doing all the dirty jobs like what emily woo mentioned theoretically in class about “Good guys”. My first interaction with you was at serangoon NEX, when you arranged the three of us, including zack, to meet and buy the groceries together at the the shopping mall because you didnt want to inconvenient both of us since we stay along the NEL. Instead, you took the hassle to travel from your home all the way to Serangoon. That’s when I first took notice of you.

Fast forward to 2014. I was lucky to be pinpointed by the seniors and in charge of the wine appreciation event. That was what really brought us both much closer together though. I remember how we used to text about wine stuff every single day and how i cracked my head thinking of ways to carry on the conversation with you so that the communication doesn’t end. Then came the urge to give up a week before Valentine’s day, because while seeking for opinions from one of my friends in class on whether I should make you something to express my feelings subtly, his reply was “Cat, i think you don’t give better. Later he reject you i doubt you can take it.” #burned

If anyone was to ask me who fell for who first between the both of us, i think i would bravely say “it’s me”. Until today it still feels kind of surreal to me how things changed so quickly between the both of us. It was less than 3 months ago when I started telling my friends outside of school that there is this particular guy in my cca who is freaking nice. “His nice level is UP THERE ONE”, i would tell them. Some would pour cold water on me and say things like “Haiyah, you are forever exaggerating one”, while my less-mocky-friends would say “Then go for it, cat! Make him like you! Then your dream will finally come true!”

But you know what? Sometimes I really wonder what is it about me that made you fell for me. Neither am i pretty nor do i have the figure which most of my friends have. I am loud and talkative, unlike your introvert character trait. I tend to procrastinate and do things last minute, while you’re always on track, always so serious about everything, making your life to be as perfect as you desire it to be. I have so many flaws, so so many that I doubt you have ever seen. I am bossy and I am possessive. I chew with my mouth open when I’m with people that I am comfortable with, and I talk so loud whenever I am excited that people sitting on the next table may turn and give me a judging look.

I have no experience on being in a relationship to be the most perfect girl you are seeking out for. But i promise, i will try. I know you are not always online on whatsapp just like me. I put myself in your shoes and try to understand you better. As much as I’ve been saying how redundant it is to worry for some things which have yet to take place, i can’t help but to feel worried about what’s lying ahead of us. “Will we be able to work towards the same future smoothly over the years? Are we going a little too fast? What if things do not work out? What if….. what if….”

” “If only” are the two saddest words in the world”

I remember vividly how this quote used to be my favourite when i was younger. It reminds me of the phrase “Never try, never know”. It’s too late to turn back the time now though. We are both aware of what we really want. I really want to spend the rest of my life with you. With a guy whom I know will be there for me physically and emotionally no matter what happens. The path lying in front of us may not be a smooth sailing one. There are so many things which the both of us do not know. But that’s alright, we will fall; we will stop. We will hold each other’s hands and stand up together. We will be fine ♡


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